My Immortal and a Cigarette

Puff.

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

Puff again.

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave

And puff.

This is such a relaxing moment. Eyes closed, I listen to the great Evanescence. I can feel the warmth the music provides me amidst the darkness which looms over the room. The feeling of solitude I have right now is indescribable. This feeling is better than happiness. It’s better than love. Better than anything else. I’m not happy. I’m not in love. Yet, I love this thing I’m feeling. The melody, rhythm, and beat make me feel like I’m floating in midair. Floating. Soaring. Higher and higher. Towards a place which most people call heaven. I call it paradise.

My little bedroom, lights out, My Immortal, and a cigarette. Ah. Paradise, it is, indeed.

Puff.

Confusion. Unanswered questions. Worry. They’re all shut out. The only thing in my head is that I’m on a journey. An endless journey. An endless, beautiful journey. I travel through darkness and into the blinding light. I leave everything behind me, except my mind, my ears, and my imagination. I walk ashore, barefoot. I look at the ocean, which shows every bit and piece of my entire being. All the good things I’ve done. All the bad things I’ve done. All the things I haven’t done. And everything in between. I look up at the skies. It’s all midnight blue. There were no clouds, millions of stars, each of them shining down upon me. I whisper to the wind, “I wanna be here forever.” It echoes all across the shores, which continue to stretch farther as I walk onwards. I walk some more, occasionally pausing and feeling the cool breeze by the pale moonlight, and appreciating the sounds of nature, the sounds of the night.

Puff.

They call this meditation. I call this peace of mind. Absolute peace of mind.

How long I remained there, walking, feeling a complete person inside, I can’t remember. The only thing inside my head is the song, and the void inside me that it takes away as it plays. I don’t care if the abyss is brought back into me as the song fades. I am more than peaceful.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

My mind is finally at peace. I wish it were forever.